Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
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