"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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