He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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