My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
