I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
