Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You work out of a Hotel?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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