I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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