so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Less talking, more tequila
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
