Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
