dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
