I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
