I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
