It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
