so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
