Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
