Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
