Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Randomize
