btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
