oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Drunk is a universal language darling
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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