So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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