I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We are all done wearing pants today
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
