I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
