to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
