my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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