and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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