Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
