Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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