I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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