he puts the penis in happiness.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
