I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
