I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
