He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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