I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
then he tried to convert me to islam
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
