I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
