Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
