i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
