I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
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its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
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I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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