Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
