I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
