SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
