I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
