He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
