one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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