So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
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is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Every concussion has its silver lining
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I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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