Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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