it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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