you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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