I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
