I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
