you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
