In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
