She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
