I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
