I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
