if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
