He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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