i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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