Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
