If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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