is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
