On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He felt like a one man threesome
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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