my soul wont recognize me after tonight
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
