We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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