big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
