i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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