do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
