So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
