By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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