A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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