there's paper in my vomit.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
whose parrot is this?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
