i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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