I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
