she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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