If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
