Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
