I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
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